CARNFORTH TO PRESTON
DISTANCE: 27.30 MILES
START TIME: 0530 HRS
FINISH TIME: 1610 HRS
TOTAL DISTANCE: 541.53 MILES
Today was a head down and tab, it was a day of drudgery and there was nothing good about today except to say that interviews for the new boots were carried out in Lancaster. Geordie and I short listed a couple of likely candidates. Mr Morell, Mr columbia, and Mr Salamon.
On first impressions of which there is only the one chance to make an Impression, Mr Morell appeared to be the front runner, followed closely by Mr Soloman, with Mr Columbia trailing way behind in third. However to give them all a fair and reasonable crack of the whip, we pushed our first Impression to one side and began the Interview process in earnest. Now earnest who shall now be known as Richard, was the footwear Independant adjudicator.
Richard started to put the candidates through there PACES, and it soon transpired that Mr Morell was in fact a disguised Pikey. Mr Morell The disguised Pikey Boot tried to claim he was a reformed boot and had travelled extensivly at the distingished feet of Sir Christopher Bonnington, Sir Ralph Fiennes and claimed that his current employer was none other than Mr Ben Fogle. Whilst Mr Morell was claiming these great FEETS, Mr Solomon to our great astonishment got up and walked out, last heard screaming, I'm no match to him I've only carried Beefy Botham around the Local shopping centre, with a few dog walks thrown in for good measure.
This then left Mr Columbia.
Mr Morell at this point got right up my nose. Having conducted many Interviews in the past, at this point my Bullshit detecter was on full alert, screaming not him Pip, He's another pair of pikey boots in Disguise.
Mr Columbia athough quiet and reserved, in fact somewhat timid, began to become the front runner. He was light, sturdy and felt really comfortable on. So much so, I felt a rush of adrenalin from the soles of my feet to the top of my head, and to my amazement because I was wearing my hat at the time, it flowed all the way back down to my feet again, and continued to flow from foot to head and head to foot for the next 5 mins. It was a match made in heaven, via Ultimate outdoors in Lancaster.
Now I know that all you good people out there want to know what happened to my old Pikey boots, They went kicking and screaming claiming that I had gone back on my word and that he had been misunderstood, not given a fair crack of the whip and claimed that he would take me to a footwear tribunal. So at this point we called the Boot police who swiftly took him away. I have since learned that he was sentenced to a period at Her majestys pleasure and is now in Lancaster Boot camp for remodelling, refitting, attitude reajustment and actually an all round kick up the arse.
Remember what goes around comes around.
Many thanks to Lionel who true to his word drove to Carnforth last night to have an Idle one with Geordie and I. Great seeing you.
have fun Chap's and Chapesses.